Facing the Fear

For some reason I couldn't quite put my finger on, I was nervous today. Every time I thought about my impending run, I got butterflies, and my inner 3-year-old whined, "I don't wanna!" Sure, my knees were sore from last night's kickboxing class but they usually are sore these days. Three 20-minute runs and two 1-hour kickboxing classes a week, plus the 30-day-shred once per week... well, that regimen is hard on the knees! Even as I dressed for the gym, I was bitching and moaning to Luke about how I didn't feel like running today.

Maybe I knew going to the gym would push back grocery shopping (and thus sleep!) by an hour. Maybe I am a champion self-sabotager and needed a reason to fail. Maybe I was afraid of the new routine (C25k week 3 involves, for me, switching from time to distance). Maybe I was just feeling lethargic; I ate way too much yesterday and almost didn't even make it to kickboxing. But I DID make it to kickboxing last night and that (along with the other 6 running sessions I've done so far) helped get me off my ass and to the gym.

There were about a hundred thousand people there tonight, for some reason, and as I walked in, I sighed inwardly. I donwannaDOthis, I muttered (in my head, of course). But I walked from one side of the gym to the other, searching for the kind of treadmill I like (with the speed buttons on the front grips, great for intervals). I ended up having to be RIGHT NEXT to some skinny chick who was also running, and wah wah wah.

Come on, I said to myself, it's only four runs today. Tuesday you did six runs. And I whined back to myself that they were shorter runs on Tuesday. Then I turned on my music. And the announcer said, "The Violent Femmes... they bring ALL their equipment on the bus. And you can't FUCK with the Violent Femmes. You Cannot Fuck With This BAND." And I thought, Damn straight, and you can't fuck with me either. I'm going to DO this. And I did.

After all that bitching and moaning, I think today's run was actually EASIER than Tuesday's. It's kind of like going to the dentist or getting a shot. You work yourself all up thinking about it, anticipating it, and when it's over, you're like, "That was it??"

I ran my usual 1.7 miles and burned my usual near-300 calories. But I only had to run 4 times, and two runs were longer than I've done so far. I finished feeling strong and accomplished, with sore knees and a lifted heart. I could get used to this.

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Daily Gratitudes
-- 80s alternative. Because, seriously? You really CAN'T fuck with the Violent Femmes.
-- Meijer, for being open 24 hours so I didn't have to rush to the grocery store after my run, and could kiss my babies goodnight.
-- Luke, again, for being happy to stay home and put the kids to bed while I shopped
-- The Couch-to-5k Facebook people, who post informative and motivating links daily.
-- My slightly (ok, severely) Type-A personality (Luke calls it anal-retentive) which, for the most part, Will Not Let Me Quit or Fail.
-- YOU, dear reader, yes YOU the ONE person who reads this blog regularly, for reading to the end, for caring about me and my family and my journey.