Bless me, Marshall, for I have run

Tonight's run was, for lack of a better term, a spiritual experience. Also? It was hard.

I don't mean, "gee that run sure was a toughie!" I mean first it felt like my run was cursed and then, from almost the first steps, I questioned whether or not I would be able to do it. But let me, as Julie Andrews would say, start at the very beginning. If you really want just the punchline, you can skip the next four paragraphs.

I knew tonight's run would be tough. It was my first run of a new week of the couch-to-5k program, and no matter how easy day three of the previous week was, day 1 of a new week is always difficult. This week, my distance and time both increased, so I knew it would be a bigger push than usual, and I spent the two hours before my run obsessing over it. I figured my warm-up distance, then calculated each distance marker for running and walking (e.g at .5 miles, run, at .75 miles, walk, at .87 miles, walk, and so forth). I wrote it all down so I didn't have to try to do math while running (cause, you know, I'm a photographer. I have a hard enough time doing math while sitting). I made sure I had everything gathered before I went to pick Luke up from work - water bottle filled, new ipod (a 2nd gen shuffle) in my purse, etc.

So I was all pumped up for my run, ready to drop myself off at the gym on the way home after picking Luke up (it's less than a mile from our house and on the way). Then, as we were waiting at the stoplight before the turn, I started swearing. I had forgotten my notebook. Can't run without those numbers. So I dropped off the boys, ran in for the notebook, and drove back to the gym. Ok, I told myself, you're ready now. I got myself all set up on the treadmill and started walking. I turned on my ipod, and a song I don't know well came on. Huh. That's weird. I skipped ahead. A slow song. Uh, oh... I skipped ahead again, hoping to find a good beat. No dice. FUCK. I got off the treadmill, grabbed all my stuff and walked back to the car. I can't run without my music.

As I'm driving home, I bemoan my bad luck today. This workout is doomed. I pull in, put my run playlist on the shuffle and get back in the car. Driving back to the gym, I think how lucky it was I had forgotten my notebook earlier, because if I hadn't, I wouldn't have had the car in order to go back for my music and then I would REALLY have been screwed. Maybe this isn't so bad after all. Maybe I'll be ok.

Back on the treadmill, Cake beats in my ears. "Reluctantly crouched at the starting line/engines pumping and thumping in time/the green light flashes, flags go up/churning and burning, they yearn for the cup." Yes, I can do this. This will be a good run.


A tenth of a mile in, I realize I grossly overestimated my warm-up distance, the one on which all of my calculations had been based. My warm up was twice as long as usual (because no way was I going to be able to do that math in my head. See above.), and I was more burned out than usual by the time I started my first run.

Despite that difficulty, my first run was not so bad. A quarter mile, followed by an eighth of a mile fast-walk recovery. Then came the half-mile run. But I did it. I knew I had only one more "easy" run and one more half mile run and I was done. But then, I started running that easy run, my second quarter mile, and I was hurting. My knees were starting to get sore, and my chest was tight. Oh man. I am not going to be able to do this. Sure, sure you will. You haven't screwed any of these runs up yet. You've only got one run left today, you can do this. Oh man this sucks. I did my last walk (only an eighth mile again), and as I geared up for my final run, my second half-mile, a less-than-stellar song came on. I skipped it. A song I wasn't that familiar with came on, and I had my finger on the "skip forward" button, but then I realized what it was. I almost cried for that first 10 seconds with no music (if I ever have to run a race without music, I'm screwed), but I let the song play. And Marshall Mathers, aka Eminem, lifted me up.

Cause sometimes you just feel tired.
You feel weak and when you feel weak you feel like you wanna just give up.
But you gotta search within you, you gotta find that inner strength
and just pull that shit out of you and get that motivation to not give up
and not be a quitter, no matter how bad you wanna just fall flat on your face
and collapse.

How can you quit with those words in your ear? You can't. And as the song really began, in the background, I could hear, Yo left, yo left, yo left right left Yo left, yo left, yo left right left Yo left, yo left, yo left right left yo left, yo left, yo left right left... and I let my feet hit the treadmill again and again and again. I just kept going.

A quarter mile in and I'm dying. My lungs are screaming, my legs are burning, my abs are on fire, but Marshall is singing.

Till the roof comes off, till the lights go out
Till my legs give out, can’t shut my mouth.
Till the smoke clears out and my high burns out
I’ma rip this shit till my bones collapse.
Till the roof comes off, till the lights go out
Till my legs give out, can’t shut my mouth.
Till the smoke clears out and my high burns out
I’ma rip this shit till my bones collapse.

And I keep running. And just as I'm coming to the end of that half mile, He reminds me why I keep doing this.

I will not fall,
I will stand tall,
Feels like no one could beat me

Running is HARD. But when I'm done, when I've finished for the day, I am so proud of myself for pushing through. Running a half mile without stopping twice in 25 minutes (plus two quarter miles and the walks) probably doesn't sound like much to most people. But for me, it is HUGE. And Marshall was just what I needed to push me through. Having him singing to me, right at that moment, gave me the strength to carry on.

When I got off the treadmill and went over to the scale, I found out I've lost another 1.5 lbs and am now down 18.5 lbs since 7/28/09. Today, I burned 475 calories running (175 more than usual), and hit 2.6 miles.

See you Tuesday, treadmill.

--------------------------------

Daily Gratitudes

-- MUSIC MUSIC MUSIC. Does there need to be anything more?