I've been feeling pretty "BLECH" lately. I haven't managed to run since my last post about running (also my first...), and haven't done much else useful in that time either. Oh, I found my Jillian Michaels' 30 Day Shred dvd. Does that count?
I keep telling myself I *should* work out, I *should* watch what I eat a bit more carefully... But when it comes down to it, I just don't. I have great excuses for not exercising: I almost killed myself trying to run and am SO SORE and I need to recover; It's "that time of the month" and I'll be DAMNED if I'm going to drag my ass to the computer and Shred or worse yet drag myself out on our very public road to run; it's too hot; it's too cold; the kids are awake; the kids are asleep... well, you get the idea.
So all weekend I've been super cranky and feeling super fat and, as I said, "BLECH." I was hungry at 4:30 so I ate some leftovers, knowing dinner wouldn't be for a couple of hours. Then I made myself impromptu fudge s'mores using marshmallows, a chocolate bar, peanut butter, and stale ice cream cones. Luke helped me eat that, but yeah, I felt even slothier after that. And also not hungry.
By dinnertime at 7, I was still not hungry and having major guilt over my "snack." So I moped. I helped Luke cook tacos for them and moped. He, wonderful guy that he is, hugged me and told me he loved me and he was sorry I was feeling so shitty lately (I wonder if, just a teeny bit, that didn't mean he was sorry he had to deal with my shittiness too. I wouldn't blame him, I've been pretty shitty). He asked if there was anything in particular that was causing it and I said no. Because really, feeling fat shouldn't be enough to cause the kind of dark cloud that's been overhanging me for the past few days. I did mention my self-loathing "I hate your stupid fat ugly face" feelings to him, as an aside, and he suggested I go for a run. HA! Like I wanted to subject myself to pain and torture on top of my bad mood. So he suggested a bike ride, even though we'd taken the boys on one earlier. "A real bike ride," says he.
I whined inside. I thought about my soft comfy bed and my next Percy Jackson book. Then I decided to Suck It Up Already, Woman and, in the words of Nike (the brand, not the goddess), Just Do It. I installed my new bike computer (with the help of my super-helpful guy), donned my duncecap bike helmet, and rode.
Time: 21:30
Avg. Speed: 10 mph
Distance: 3.5 miles
Calories: 150
So it's not much, but it's a start. It's more distance than I've done in a single, respectably-speeded go. And I'm amazed how long it didn't take me. I'm thinking I definitely want to start riding the boys to town, since it's only about 2-3 miles away, but the busy streets make me nervous.
I'm also amazed how good I feel. I shouldn't be amazed, because I ALWYAS feel awesome after exercising. It's just the BEFORE exercising crappy feeling is so convincing. I'm not sure what to do to get myself to do this with consistency. But for now, I don't hate me in the face anymore.
I hate me in the face
Tuesday, July 07, 2009
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Daily Gratitudes
-- Clouds and almost rain on a just-too-warm day
-- BOOKS, specifically YA fantasy
-- My public library, #1 per capita in the country. ♥♥
-- Suburbia, where I can ride on paved roads and sidewalks and feel safe
-- Endorphins
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2 Musings:
Not hating yourself in the face is a good start. :) And that's a good speed on a bike.
I love the way you put it..."the BEFORE exercising crappy feeling is so convincing." It sure is. If I don't do it right when I wake up I feel crappy all day, but I also dread doing the exercise later. Tweeting/blogging about it constantly makes it a little easier to remember how good I feel afterward, but just enough so that I keep doing it. I don't get how people love doing exercise. The results, yes. The doing, no.
Wow hun. Good for you.
Universal feelings, sadly.
HUGS
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