You can blame Swistle for this post. She keeps making it seem so easy, I've got it in my head to think about now.
We were going to stop at one child. Environmental reasons, money reasons, sanity reasons. But ultimately, we decided we'd not mind another baby and Quentin would LOVE a playmate/sibling. So we went for #2. As we were driving away from the hospital, I looked at Luke and said, "never again!" I had successfully VBACed but the birth had been a little rough. After having a c-section with Quentin, I figure I just have difficult births, and I didn't really want to do it again.
Then came the new baby smell. Jude was SUCH an easy newborn, I briefly entertained the idea that I might like another baby (regardless of Luke's opinion on the matter). Then came the reflux, and the usual insanity of baby moods. I went back to my original opinion, encouraging Luke to get things in gear for his vasectomy.
Now, Luke's got an excellent job with excellent benefits. We're talking about moving into a townhouse with room for a playroom. Quentin and Jude get along fabulously, and while the idea of another baby RIGHT NOW is daunting, I think in two years, I might be ready to get pregnant again. So here's the famous pro-con list for a third baby in three years.
CONS
- The most obvious argument against another child - I tend to go a little crazy. This could ostensibly be remedied by appropriate medication, but pregnancy and breastfeeding make this tricky.
- I need, NEED time to myself. This goes along with #1. More children = less time.
- We would HAVE to have a mini van. Ick.
- Two sets of hands + two children seems like an excellent ratio. Traveling, running errands (GROCERY SHOPPING, HELLO?), and extra-curricular activities all seem awfully daunting with more kids.
- Finding a babysitter for two kids is hard. I can't imagine trying to find one for three.
- Our family is still (and will remain) a good 3 hour drive away, meaning for all intents and purposes, we don't have any help
- I have a hard time maintaining a clean house NOW, with only two kids.
- While the thought of another baby terrifies me for the moment, the thought of another three-year-old REALLY scares me, and guess how old Jude would be when we had another baby if we got pregnant in two years? YUP.
- I seem to have rough births
- We've already said we were done having kids. Twice.
- We try to live green, and I'm not sure MORE kids and MORE strain on the earth qualifies
- While Luke's new job will likely mean we can afford to raise two kids and do things we'd like to with them (classes and lessons, traveling, COLLEGE), I'm not so sure about more.
- I'd like to homeschool, and I'm not sure if more kids is a pro or a con here
- I NEVER wanted to have three kids - one's always going to be the odd man out, it seems. Which means either we'll have three or I'll STILL WANT ANOTHER after a third.
- We have planned on living our youth after our kids were grown, since we had them young and didn't get much chance to do before hand. If we have another, I'll be 45 (or 48 if we have two, see above) before they're all grown. Not ancient, but getting on.
- A McCain presidency
- I enjoy being pregnant and am pretty good at it
- Quentin is relatively awesome with Jude, and he'd probably be even better with a baby in 3 years. Also, 7 is a good age to really help with a baby, with carrying things, etc.
- A gaggle of boys is strangely appealing to me. Also, a girl could be fun.
- I grew up an only child and have always thought a big family sounded like fun.
- There are some really cool minivans out there these days.
- I'd have another chance for a peaceful, healing birth, maybe even a home birth.
- I'll hopefully have my Associate's degree in three years and can get a part-time job if necessary, and we might still be able to afford a part-time nanny.
- We make awesome, beautiful, smart kids (though maybe more would be pushing our luck?)
- We live 3 hours away from family, so having a bigger immediate family could help balance that out (for the kids)
- If we're not stupid like we were with Quentin and give everything away, we'll not need to buy too much new stuff for another kid.
- Extra hands to do chores and help around the house (eventually).
- It's a lot of fun to name a baby, see who he/she is, and watch the person they become. I'm really enjoying that so far, anyway.
- Luke works 4 days on/3 days off and when we move again, we'll have a garage. This means ample opportunity for side jobs and a little extra money.
- An Obama presidency
I'm sure this isn't everything, and maybe I'll just keep coming back and adding more things here as I think of them, for my own purposes. I know a lot of the reasons on both sides are a little iffy, but I figured best to put everything out there, even if it's not a good reason on it's own.
Ok, so weigh in. How many kids do YOU have? How old are they? Can you address any of my pros or cons as unfounded, ridiculous, workable, or not really as workable as I seem to think?
At the least. I think it's fair to say I'm rethinking the vasectomy idea.
6 Musings:
Three pushed me over my limit, and I was the picture of patience. People used to stop in public places and stare at me dealing with my kids, and when I looked up at them, they'd declare, "You're so calm!" or "You have the patience of a saint!" or "How do you stay so peaceful?" With two kids, you can juggle and still get a little alone time. With three kids, you can go months with one of them awake at every moment. I'm not exaggerating. Months.
That said, I agree with most of your pro reasons except the minivan one. Dude, do you know how much carbon it takes to make and ship and run a car? However, if you do the environmentally responsible thing and get an old diesel schoolbus, paint a mural on the side, and run it on fast food byproducts (but not ethanol!) . . . then it would still be okay to have another kid.
:p
I would add one reason. I only had one sibling until I was twenty, then my parents each added a step or a half sibling. I much prefer having more than one sibling.
I've been telling people I'm done, but now that all of my three are old enough to not die if I take a potty break. Since Verdi turned eight-year-olds, it's been different around here. Having a big kid is so awesome that I kind of relish the idea of having four or five or six big kids. I think I'm going to wait until my current youngest is seven or eight years old, and then take up the question again.
I have 2 boys, 4 years and 2 months old. I know I'm having a 3rd one, but I would not mind another boy. The thought of having a girl, and having to do her hair, get the girl things for girls, and for a few years competing for the bathroom when she gets her period at 11 or 12, yikes. Ideally, I would prefer to wait until the young one is at least 2 years old.
Ha! I gladly accept blame!
My first two were hardest. I never had three, since my third pregnancy was twins, but four wasn't that much harder than two. Adding a fifth was almost like adding a drop of water to a cup. The thing is, the oldest ones keep getting older and more independent, and that frees up time and also provides more help. My 9-year-old is like having another 1/2 adult.
I have pro/con lists, too. The thing that weighs in most heavily for me is that there are two possible regrets: I could regret having another child, or I could regret NOT having another child. FOR ME, I'd rather regret going one too many and having a few years of too much stress/chaos, than regret going one too few and having an old age full of feeling sad about it or feeling like someone's missing. BUT---this would totally vary from person to person, because some people WOULDN'T then have an old age full of etc., they'd just shrug and go, "Well, who knows what would have been better?" but if they had one too many they'd keep harping on THAT for the rest of their days. It's totally personality based.
Also, I love my minivan. Love it. I thought I'd HATE it, but I love it.
I always wanted to have a third and it just wasn't in the cards. I don't think I would ever want that changed now. I am really enjoying having older kids, they are a different, and for me, a more satisfying part of parenthood. Babies are wonderful and fun...but not a place where I want to go back and live.
I dunno, I just think a lot of women feel really needed and in touch with a purpose at this transaction of parenthood and think that it is better to stay there. Sometimes, for some people, I think it is healthier to just move on. I don't know what is right for you though. Just meandering thoughts.
I totally intended to have One Child Only and succeeded for 7 years.The I had twins. My little quip I said all the time was,"If someone has more than 3 kids, there's proof right there that they're insane". I now have 5 plus 2 step-kids (who hate me). I'm certifiably insane BUT I'm enjoying it. Somehow you know what you can handle,even if it doesn't seem like such a great idea in theory. Good luck making the right choice for you :)
hmmm... my 3rd was totally unplanned. I wouldn't trade her for the world, but man, 3 is a handful ('course, my middle boy has a developmental disability). My kids are spaced way, apart, too, but the boy is developmentally behind my almost 3 yr old girl. When they were developmentally on par, it was really, fun though (but difficult to go anywhere without another adult - that's getting easier now that the youngest is pretty good at walking with me... we look funny with the boy in a stroller, and the little one walking...)
And I pack all 3 of mine into a cavalier...
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